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Birthing the Self When a traumatic birth is not resolved the child (and often the mother too) is left in a state of shock which creates imbalance in the autonomic nervous system; the great challenge of birth stimulates sympathetic activity in the infant, which then needs to be modulated by quiet rest, nursing, and comforting contact to support parasympathetic activity, as well as bonding. When this does not occur the natural cycle of activity and rest - the movement outwards followed by the return inwards to centre - is disrupted, and various physiological and psychological problems could evolve. Sam showed such an imbalance; he tended towards hyperactivity or emotional collapse, and could not relax into recuperative states of creative rest or quiet interaction. He showed high muscle and organ tone in the centre of his body, with limp, flaccid extremities which did not support his meeting and full engagement with the world; the strong outward thrust of birthing energy had been blocked and turned inwards, locked into his body tissues. Sam was five years old when he first came to therapy; his development was being seriously hindered by unresolved birth trauma and the bonding failure which ensued. Because therapy with a child has to occur through bodily expression, and because a young child is still close to and involved with their birth experience, Sam’s process vividly elucidates some of the ideas outlined above. Sam’s mother, Lianne, described him as tense and hyperactive with low concentration and movement problems; he had not been ready to start school that year and was attending a nursery school with children much younger than himself. He was uncooperative and would sometimes attack other children or hide under a table. She was concerned he would not be able to attend school and would be diagnosed as having special needs; she feared he might be autistic, or would grow up to be a ‘delinquent’ adolescent. Her immediate goal was to get him accepted into school the following year. Their relationship was also difficult; Lianne found Sam’s states of high energy and high-pitched screaming intolerable, and tension would escalate between them until they got into a ‘vicious cycle’ which she could not find a way out of. This could be an expression of feeling trapped in the birth canal with ‘no way out’; Sam may have been trying to show his mother what it had been like for him, how intolerable his experience was. When Sam arrived for our first meeting he burst into the large room where we were to work, racing around for some time wildly kicking the big green ball. I saw the limp hands and tense shoulders, the flailing arms, and the lack of clear organisation in his body. Sam’s spine was rounded over, as if he had not fully emerged from the enclosed space of the womb; his forehead jutted forward and his head was slightly turned and tilted to the right. He tended to run in curves rather than straight forward, following the angle of his head; again I was reminded of birth, as if his head were caught in the moment of spiralling through the birth canal, frozen in time, and the extension of his spine and the realigning of head with body had not been completed. I saw an interrupted birth process, and on asking Lianne about his birth she was clearly relieved that I would consider this relevant, affirmed and supported in her own feelings and concerns. This helped to build trust between Lianne and myself, so crucial if Sam’s therapy was to be successful. Lianne’s father had died seven months into the pregnancy and a difficult relationship with her mother had added to Lianne’s emotional stress during this time. At birth Sam presented with his forehead instead of the crown of his head, which led to a long and difficult labour. Eventually forceps were used; because of his position there was a risk that his eye could have been damaged. The birth was traumatic for both mother and child and Lianne described being unable to bond with Sam afterwards, suffering a long period of depression during which she stayed at home most of the time. Sam missed out on a lot of physical activity, play and social interaction that would have helped him develop physically and psychologically. Lianne felt guilty about what had happened and wanted deeply to help him; her commitment to this task did undoubtedly support Sam’s therapy, and she was very much part of the process. The healing of their relationship was an integral part of our work. In therapy with adults we work with the remembered and internalised parents of childhood. It was both fascinating and complex to work with Sam and his mother together, as we sought to repair the early trauma and bonding failure they had both suffered. One aim was to restore balance within Sam’s autonomic nervous system, alternating periods of high activity which supported Sam to find channels to release the held energy in a creative and organised way, with periods of quiet rest and inwardly focused attention. In the beginning there was little respite from activity and Sam would quickly reach a threshold of tolerance beyond which over-excitement would lead to aggressive behaviour or distress. A first moment of contact was made when he finally lay over the big green ball and allowed me to gently touch his back and rock him, with a focus on supporting him to release weight and the tension in his organs; for a brief moment there was a qualitative change in energy and attention as he became still and quiet. He moved in a more measured way after this. Over time Sam allowed more such moments of contact. On one occasion he was able to receive a very gentle contact to his forehead, the part that had led him into the desperate birth struggle. He settled into a quiet parasympathetic state, as if listening inwardly and recognising that something different was happening. After this he readily accepted and often sought contact and bodywork experiences, offering a foot to be held, or his head to be touched, or leaning into me for fuller body contact. Through touch and gently guided movements I could work to repattern the distribution of energy throughout his body and support the integration of his posture, movement patterns, and muscle and organ tone. Aligning his head, spine and limbs and feeding gentle compression through the bones and joints helped Sam to begin to find the core of support which the skeleton provides. As his spine aligned more centrally Sam was beginning to develop his sense of core self, expressed in a growing confidence and boldness. The work through the bones also helped him to yield his weight into gravity and to push - first against my hands, then against the floor as he learned to integrate the early crawling patterns which he had not fully embodied. Learning to push through his hands and feet was essential for Sam to learn to make boundaries, to establish his sense of core self, and to be able to separate from his mother. Engaging with these movements Sam was also revisiting his first separation from mother, his birth experience, but in a playful way which allowed him to develop his power. Through integration of his spine, pushing through his feet, and gentle work with his head, Sam was being ‘taught’ the movements of birthing. At this point in the therapy he began speaking about being in Mummy’s tummy, and often regressed into baby talk and play with Lianne. During one session he was leaning against me, his head in my hands and his feet placed against Lianne’s feet. He suddenly found the power to push her right away from him. He then turned around and did the same thing with his feet pushing against me - clearing space, pushing us away, he was making space for himself, preparing for birth. The birth moment finally came gently and Sam discovered it all by himself. He began nuzzling his head into a soft ball which he liked to play with and rest on. He came onto his hands and knees and began purposefully rolling and pushing the ball across the floor with his head, flexing and extending his neck and spine to do this - the movement which initiates birthing. He travelled in a wide arc, deeply engrossed in the movement, then emerged and crawled onto Lianne’s belly where he lay for some time, resting. Lianne did not know what he was doing but felt it was important and told me afterwards she was moved to tears, just wanting to stroke and kiss him as he lay there. Sam had completed his birth process, even crawling up to his mother’s breast as a newborn will do if laid on her belly after birth, and this time she had been able to welcome him with love. Soon after this Sam took some tests which would determine whether he would be selected for a place at school. He did very well and was offered the place. The doctor praised him and Lianne felt proud of her son; Sam’s progress had been generously affirmed. Click here to return to beginning of article |
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continued … Embodying a Sense of Self |
